Thursday, February 3, 2011

Keep your pimp hand strong

Just like this kid, you gotta keep your bitches within arm's reach at all times.  Discipline should be swift and firm, as just like dogs, women can sense fear and will turn on you and gobble you up at the first sight of it.

Keep your pimp hands strong brothers, keep your pimp hands strong.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Sluts in The Office

Now, I like Hitler as much as the next guy, but what really pissed me off about WWII was the fact that it gave women the chance they were looking for to wiggle their way into the workforce and take all our jobs.  While all the men were off killing Nazis and saving France, all the women were back home working in factories and voting.  This is bad for a number of reasons.  Not only are women not emotionally stable enough to handle stressful situations (they often resort to tears and getting men to solve their problems for them), they also have this nasty habit of getting pregnant and leaving for years at a time while they spit out another little fleshy ball of misery.  Not only are they costing the companies they work at money hiring and training people for their old jobs, they are leeching off of my taxes with maternity leave.
A young woman preparing for the future
I also hear a lot of woman complaining about the “glass ceiling”.  Not only do I completely agree with an invisible implied max level that women are allowed to reach in the workplace, I think it should be lowered.  Like to the mail room.  Now it’s all fine and dandy for women who aren’t pregnant/married/with kids (lesbians) to play make believe and hope to be just as successful as the men in their office, but they should not be able to achieve those goals.  Just like children, they should be told they can do anything when they grow up, when in reality they lack almost all the physical and mental attributes to do so (remember when your parents told you, you could one day be an astronaut?  Good luck with that with your 20/200 vision and C in physics). 

Dangling incentives on a string to encourage desired behaviour works wonders with children (see: Santa, the Easter Bunny, birthdays, trips to Mexico, etc ), and due to their similar intelligence and maturity levels, one can expect the same results with women.  For instance you tell a woman that if she keeps getting you coffees and answering phone calls she could end up in your chair someday.  When in reality you’re just waiting until she gets married (and inevitably pregnant) and decides to “settle down”.  Then you move on to the next hot young piece of ass you can stare at as it walks out of your corner office to get you another latte.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Sluts at bus stops

                I was walking down the street away from my house this afternoon to get some subway and get a haircut.  I had to get a haircut because it was 3 weeks since my last one.  As I’m walking down the street a woman in her mid-30s blocks my path and asks me if I knew when the next bus was coming (I was just coming up to a bus stop).  I just wanted subway and to get my haircut as it has been 3 weeks since my last one, but she was now blocking my path.  I had no idea when the next bus was coming as I do not take the bus, so I replied “no” and quickly tried to maneuver my way around the woman who was currently blocking my path.  She stepped to the side and asked me if I instead owned a cell phone.  I do happen to own a cell phone for business purposes so I said “yes” and again tried to maneuver around the woman who was currently blocking my path.  I knew where she was trying to take this, and I wanted no part in it.  I had to get my haircut as it had been 3 weeks since my last haircut and I was very hungry.  She then asked to borrow my phone for “a second” (I assume she was being hyperbolic).  I then asked her why she needed my phone.  She replied “so I can call the bus and see when the next one comes, I think I missed the one I’m supposed to take”. 
This is where I noticed the ring on her left ring finger.  “Does your husband appreciate you talking to single men?” I asked.  “Wait, you’re getting the wrong idea here, I just want to know when my bus is coming, I love my husband”.  A likely story indeed.  If she wasn’t a raging whore and did in fact loved her husband would she be talking to random men she just met on the street?  I think not.  It was getting late and I wanted to get subway and get my haircut (it had been 3 weeks since my last haircut), so I said “why don’t you get your husband to pick you up, you filthy slut” and quickly walked away.  Bitches and whores, the lot of them. 
But this isn’t where the story ends, not by a long shot.  Right when I thought I was finally on my way to subway and to get my haircut, I felt a tapping on my left shoulder.  I quickly turned around to see the same woman I was just talking to.  “Exactly what the fuck is your problem is fucking asshole?” were the words she said.  “Sluts like you”, I quipped back.  “Fuck you, you fucking chauvinist pig, enjoy being angry and alone for the rest of your life”, she so elegantly replied.  “I wish the same to you after your husband dumps your sorry ass”.  Finally, I was able to rid myself of her filth.  I could now continue walking to subway and after, my haircut as it had been 3 weeks since my last one.  I just wish I could go outside without getting sexually harassed by random whores everywhere I go.